2011 Reflections

I can't believe that 2011 is a little over 24-hours from being over. I, for one, am ready to kicky the vibes of 2011 out the door. Here is a recap of my year....

• D started his new job in January and is loving it!
• Drove myself back to work!
• Made a trip to Indianapolis in late January for Leadership Academy for Alpha Chi Omega. Got there in between snowstorms, but still got to see some snow. Had fun bonding, visited the motherland (the famed Headquarters of our organization), and dug through the snow to find our Chapter brick.
• Went to Arizona for the "It's a Boy's Trip" aka Spring Training with D. Had fun spending time with D, checking out different teams, eating and relaxing.
• Renewed our season tickets for the Padres with a full season...probably not do a full season again.
• Got to see a post game press conference for the Padres, which was really cool and so not what I expected.
• Celebrated Meema's 90th birthday with a trip to Disneyland with most of the family. She had a great time and still raves about it to this day! In fact, she told Mom and I that it was the "highlight of her life". Never mind, that she was married, had 2 children, 3 grandchildren and 1 great-grandchild...the highlight of her life was a visit to Disneyland and kiss by Mickey Mouse (her beau)! God willing, we will do the same for her 95th!'
• Nominated, won and accepted the award for Greek Advisor of the Year at CSUSM. It was such an honor and I am still touched when I read my nomination letter.
• Went to Big Bear with the Chapter for their fall retreat...made dinner for them, bonded and shared WAY more than I should about myself. It's a great way for them to get to know me better and be more comfortable with my input and not just view me as "the scary lady in the back".
• Was surprised by and Mom with a 2-month early surprise 40th birthday party! It was my first surprise party and so cool!
• Got an iPad for my birthday and am in LOVE with it!
• Celebrated 9 years of relationship status and 4 years of marriage with D. It's been full of ups and downs, but I wouldn't trade this for anything!
• Were made an "offer we couldn't refuse" and accepted it. It will help us make the sacrifices and get us to our big goal in 2012!
• Got an iPhone and am in LOVE with it!
• Getting closer to being out of consumer debt...should happen in 2012!
• Turned 40...and didn't freak out too much! I just don't feel like I am that age, but am excited about all that is coming in life.
• Discovered Cop Radio (thanks to D) where I can listen to the police scanner. It is both fascinating and scary at the same time...makes me sad at all the DV (domestic violence) calls.
• Hosted Christmas Eve, which all came together without all the fuss and stress I'd been putting into it.
• Still at the jay oh bee...will make some decisions in 2012 about my status there. Even though one Nasty will be out of there, I'm not sure it is still the right environment for me as I prepare for some bigger things in life.

2011 has been quite a year, but I'm looking forward to the magic of a new year...happy New Year!

Shopping Reflections

Today, I went shopping for some necessities for the holiday weekend. I did the same thing last Friday, with the intent to avoid the crazy crowds of the "Eve". In doing so, I noticed some things in my visits to Trader Joes, Vons, Costco (gas and store).

To those shopping with your children, I'm sure you think it's cute when they push the cart like they've been drinking. It's not...especially when it is busy!

To the parents with no manners (yes, I let you go ahead of me...you didn't say thank you), it's a wonder your children don't have any either.

To the woman standing in the middle of the aisle using her cell phone to call her child to find out if they need coffee right where I need to grab something, it's called a shopping list..try it some time!

To the woman in front of me at Costco gas, we've been waiting for a while to get to the pump. Why didn't you get out your cards before you pulled up to the pump?!?

To the man with the shopping cart in the meat area of Costco, I was wearing a yoga tank with a small amount of cleavage. This does not give you the right to stare longingly and follow me with your eyes until your wife returned to you. With all that staring, I'm pretty sure there was a clean up of your drool puddle in the meat section of Costco.

To those on your cell phone (with or without Starbucks) shopping, now is not the time to have a chat with your bff/husband/etc. Pay attention to the task at hand.

To Oggi's in Mission Valley, thanks for sending me home with a chopped salad without dressing and what looked like a half-eaten bread stick.

To the person driving the (insert car name here), did you not pay extra for the turn signal?!? That lever in your car is there for a reason!

Enough said :)

Day 1: 15 Day Challenge

I found this on a blog that I follow and decided that it would be a good way to force myself back into blogging...you can find details at lovelovelovesar.blogspot.com

Day 1: Discuss your current relationship.

D and I have know each other for almost 17 years. We met at the beginning of spring semester 1995 in a statistics class. I was in a sorority and he was in a fraternity. At first, and he will admit it, he did not like me. He thought I was some curly haired sorority girl. This changed a week or so later. We went out with a group of friends and somehow, I drove D back home at the end of the evening. From PB to Carlsbad (45-minute drive), he talked non-stop! From that night on, we were friends. We always hung out at parties and events together. After graduation, we kept in touch. Usually, we talked about once a month and hung out doing "couple" things...dinner and a movie, dates to weddings (we had mutual friends), parties, etc. One time, we were shopping at the clerk in JCrew was hitting on him. At the register, her friend asked if we were together. When I responded that I wasn't buying anything, she asked if we were dating. We had quite a laugh over that one!

Our relationship dynamics began to change in April 2002. I got a message from D to call him as soon as possible. I could tell something was wrong and after trying to call him for several hours, finally got in touch with him and found out his mother had a stroke. D was a change of life baby (mom was 47 when she had him) and his mother was in her late 70s. From that point on, we spent a lot of time talking and spending time together. I lost my stepdad in 1993, so I know what it's like to lose a parent. She passed away that October. I went to El Centro (his hometown) to attend the services. He stayed with me at the hotel since his parent's house was so crowded and I tried to keep him level. The next day at the cemetery, I stood back out of the way. I can't explain this next part and the feeling, but something happened! I was praying and saying to his mom how I would take care of her boy. I felt something strange and it changed how I looked at him. As I drove home alone, the rational me said that it was just the emotions of the weekend.

From there, we began talking daily. He joined the ladies and I for dinner one night, which became an evening where he cried with my mom and tried to eat dinner with 2 knives! That night, we made a bet on the Chargers-Raiders game the next day. I won the bet which was dinner. On November 9, we went to dinner, but it felt different and ended with us staying up until 5:00 a.m. talking. At some point in the middle of the night in the dark, D asked if I had feelings for him. It was a tough question to answer and it was putting it all on the line. When I finally said yes, he also admitted that he had feelings for me. And, that began our dating life!

With the exception of 2 miserable weeks of not talking over a misunderstanding, we have been together ever since! Before our marriage, we had to deal with so much stress...his father's passing 10 months after his mom, cleaning out and selling the childhood home, family pressures. On December 16, 2004, he asked me to officially marry him, which I did on November 24, 2007!

Marriage is amazing...it is like being manic! The highest highs, the lowest lows and everything in between! I am so lucky to be with him...he is both my biggest critic and cheerleader...he pushes me to be more and believes in me! I think how if my life had been on the path I was, I would not have met him that Spring 1995. I was supposed to be in law school...I graduated with my BA in political science in 1994, but had a change of heart and went back to get the credits for a business degree. If I skipped this, who knows where I'd be today! All I know is that I am a lucky woman to married to D!

Lessons from a Panic Attack

It's been a year (plus a week or so) since my first panic attack. I wanted to post this a week ago, but things are crazy busy at the work place and every where else. I tried to do it last week while proctoring a day of exams, but the work computer kept me from getting here. Anyway, here are my lessons from the past year...

• I have an AMAZING husband! Had it not been for his love, compassion patience and chauffeur skills, I don't know what I would have done. It made things easier to know that he could take the reins in our lives while I got it all together!


• My mom is still an amazing person in my life! No matter how old I get, I am still her "little girl" and she would do whatever she can to make my life less stressful! I loved having our Lourdes chicken soup lunches as she took me to therapy every other Wednesday.


• I have a large support network...and need to rely on it more! I learned who my friends are and need to acknowledge and accept that love and support!


• It's okay to forgive...my father, myself for past mistakes, and all the other things I carry around as penance. It's okay to forgive the hurt and anger I carry with me to this day!


• It's okay to ask for help...I am not superwoman no matter how hard I try...in fact, that's one of the reasons I ended up where I did.


• It's okay if I don't get it all done...there are still days when I lay on the couch as opposed to doing (insert chore).


• I need to take care of me first...I've always been so giving of me...I could fix it for everyone else, but not myself...it's okay to say no!


• It's good to speak up...not holding it in...


• It's okay to not have a major life plan...day by day is just fine!


• It's okay to stop comparing my life to others...I don't know others' circumstances.

All in all, it's okay to be me at the moment where I am and with what I have...I'm going to survive this!

Breakthrough...My New Theme Song

Friday was the end to another crazy week at work. School ends in less than 2 weeks (where did the school year go) and it's the push to figure out staffing pushes for the fall and all the normal work. We also just finished a high profile recruitment that took a lot of time to get done. I've been productive and busy. As I got ready to leave (purse and keys in hand), I had a mini freak out because I had forgotten to send an email and had shut my computer down. Fortunately, the boss told me not to worry and do it first thing Tuesday morning. Got into the car, opened the sunroof, turned on good music and began the trek home. Driving home has still been an issue in that I have not done the freeway all the way. Friday, I was so entranced with the good music and great weather that the next thing I knew, I was at Friars Road on the 15. Exited there since I wanted to run an errand near that area. Drove through Friars and hopped back on the 8 at Hotel Circle. Feeling like I had gotten some confidence back at that moment...and then, a song came on. One I'd listened to many times especially since it was the theme song to one of my favorite shows. On this day, this song resonated within me. I had goosebumps and tears of joy in my eyes...I felt like I was turning over a new page...the song... Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield.

Listening to these lyrics made it all clear...I have to take each step of the anxiety. No one can fix this for me...It all makes sense and I am now at peace with this process...the rest is still Unwritten!

Get to Know Me From A to Z

I saw this on a blog I follw and thought it would be a good way to get back to blogging...me in a nutshell A to Z A: Age: I am 39 and will turn the BIG 4-0 at the end of the year B: Bed Size: Queen...although D is convinced that we need a king, but I tell him he still has a habit of taking his half out of the middle when we've stayed in hotels with a king size bed! C: Chore You Dislike: All of them, but especially cleaning the bathroom. D and I have a deal that I clean the kitchen and he cleans the bathroom. D: Dogs: None at this time...want some soon! E: Essential Start to the Day: The snooze button...and a cup of hot tea at work. F: Favorite Color: Blue G: Gold or Silver: I wear both...just depends on what I'm wearing. H: Height: 5'8 I: Instrument Played: None at this time, but played (and I use that term loosely!) the flute for a short time in elementary school. My mom never lets me forget about my lapsed flute playing :) J: Jelly Bean Flavor: Black...love the licorice flavor K: Kids: None at this time...hope to change this soon! L: Lucky Number(s): 15 M: Month: November...I love Thanksgiving and our dating and wedding anniversary both fall in this month! N: Nicknames: Babe (D), Jolie Paige (or just Paige) (Aunt and Uncle); Tootles (Meema) O: Overnight Hospital Stays: One in Huatulco, Mexico after breaking my ankle; One at Scripps Green Hospital for another ankle surgery P: Pet Peeves: Rude people, lazy people...and probably more, but can't think of them right now! Q: Quote From a Movie: "Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around" from Vanilla Sky...great quote, terrible movie! R: Righty or Lefty: Righty, but always wanted to be a lefty for some reason! S: Siblings: None...I'm an only child! T: Time You Wake Up: 6:00 a.m. during the week U: Underwear: Of course! V: Vegetables You Don't Like: Green peas, green peppers W: What Makes You Run Late: Hitting the snooze button too many times...other than that, I hate being late! X: Xrays You've Had: My teeth and left ankle (many, many times) Y: Yummy Food You Make: I'm a pretty decent cook, so I would say most of it! Z: Zoo Animal Favorites: Giraffes, polar bears, and the meerkats!

Ups and Downs

I'm on the cycle of ups and downs...letting the hills and valleys of life come as they will. So, my current list of ups and downs...

UP: Valentine's Day...whether single or attached, I've always had the opinion that if you can't show me how much you love me the other 364 days of the year, don't waste the extra money on one day. Or, I used to (and still might) call it an overrated Hallmark holiday. D and I had some rough ones in the beginning of our relationship, but seem to have gotten it right now! It was a holiday for me at work, so I spent the day prepping the house with candles, baking cupcakes (D's favorite), and prepping dinner. For dinner, we started with (my new Ruth's salad suggestion) a salad of wild greens, crumbled goat cheese, roasted grape tomatoes, toasted walnuts and homemade garlic and parsley vinaigrette dressing. Dinner consisted of bone in rib eyes (bought on a great sale), asparagus and red skinned mashed potatoes. We exchanged cards (D's made me tear up with his sentiment).

DOWN: The driving at times...on my way to a function on Saturday, I almost had another panic attack on the freeway. I'm trying to be patient with myself. As I've discovered through therapy, there is a gap between the rational mind ("Just get on the darn freeway") and the emotional mind ("The freeway is freaking me out") and learning to have the patience!

UP: Vacation time...D is headed to Spring Training this weekend. Normally, I would let him do his guy thing. This year, I'm tagging along. It will be a chance to relax and spend some time together.

UP & DOWN: This is a mixed one...the jay oh bee! Just before the holidays, it was dropped that they might demote my position (removing the supervisory piece). I was having no part of that because this is the reason I took this position 6 years ago...as a bridge to the gap of my goal of becoming a manager/director someday. I had been penalized by not allowing me to take that role on. Instead, I proposed that we figure out how to allow me to take the role on. Since the beginning of the year, I have been supervising two Assistants (which includes 1 Nasty). It's been an interesting ride so far. Supervising is what I think is being a mother...she didn't look at me, she didn't tell me what was happening, etc. We even had a mini cat fight in my office. Rome wasn't built in a day and it might not be built in my time here, but I'm going to give it one heck of a try!

Speaking of the jay-oh-bee, I better get back to it...another day at the salt mine beckons!

Winter Break Recap

What a whirlwind of a Winter Break! Working for a school district, I am able to take advantage of time off during breaks. I typically take Thanksgiving Week and Winter Break totally off and then work some of the other breaks (Ski Week in February and Spring Break). It's nice because we get holidays for each of these, so I don''t have to use a lot of vacation time. Since I have 8 rollback days (to go along with my additional salary rollback this fiscal year), I used them for both breaks.

I started the revelry early...my birthday was on the 15th of December, which consisted of lunch with a coworker, then dinner with D, Mom and Meema. The next day after work, I mentioned to D that I had seen a car online at Lexus San Diego and could we go look at it that weekend. He suggested that we just stop by on our way home. I was against this since we had so much to do that evening (shopping for gifts for work, making potluck dishes and other stuff to be done for the next day...we were kind of last minute!), but we stopped anyway. Less than 2 hours, we drove away with a 2007 Toyota 4Runner for me! I drove it home the back way (still having issues with the freeway)...I love it and got such a great deal (will post pictures soon)! We still made it through all our errands and made it to bed around 1:00 a.m. The next day was my last day of work...the Nastys gave small gifts, but I did not give them anything. I had a tiny twang of sadness and guilt, but decided that why would I give a gift to someone who treats me like garbage all year! I passed on our work party due to my driving situation...after an almost hour+ drive home, D and I crashed until the morning (woke up at 11:30, to change into pajamas).

The next day, we ran around (I drove to the dealer via the freeway!) and did some of our Secret Santa shopping. That night, we went to Ruth's Chris for my birthday dinner. Due to family dynamics, it was a little uncomfortable.

The week before Christmas was busy...I spent a lot of time cleaning up around home and relaxing. We braved the rain one night to pick up groceries for our Christmas Eve hosting feast. Which all led up to our 3 day Christmas extravaganza!

Christmas Eve: D and I host this event...we've been doing it for close to 5 years. The family plus a new friend joined us that evening. On the menu, antipasto platter (salami, prosciutto, artichoke hearts, roasted red peppers, marinated mushrooms), mini caprese salad (using grape tomatoes and mozzarella balls), Christmas pasta (Rachael Ray's recipe) with angel hair, Italian sausages, and garlic bread. I made a brown sugar bundt cake, but no one ate dessert. I make treat bags/boxes every year for people to take home - this year's included graham cracker toffee and rolo pecan pretzel bits. We all hung out and had a nice evening! D and I concluded it by watching Christmas Eve mass from the Vatican.

Christmas Day: The morning was mellow. In the afternoon, D, our friend and I headed to our family friends', the Belmains. Our families have long standing relationships dating back to my great-grandmother at age 18. They always host a dinner. We had a nice day filled with friends, family and good food.

Day After Christmas: Uncle (now retired) Banking Mogul and family decided to host since they did not participate in the Belmain dinner. The catch...Mom did most of the cooking at their place! They have a beautiful galley kitchen in the Deluxe Apartment in the Sky, but are culinary challenged! We had a turkey dinner with the fixings. We did our Secret Santa exchange. Since our friend has no family locally, we all got him gifts from "Santa". He was genuinely surprised and touched. D got a really nice SD Padres pullover that he wanted. (I helped his Secret Santa pick it out). I got nice baking sheets and cookie cutters from mine. When we got home, we were trying to watch a movie when we hear arguing. One of our neighbors was fighting with her live-in...complete with her throwing his stuff off the stairs at him and calling him every expletive known to man! After a back and forth argument for close to 2 hours, SDPD came to see what was going on. And, much to my surprise, he is back and they look so happy..ugh, who needs that much drama in their life?!?

The week after Christmas was spent partially entertaining Aspiring NY Banker. We also did our share of stimulating the economy. D had his exit interview at his job...he starts his new one on Monday. We also started getting more organized...one of our goals in 2011!

It's been a great break...happy new year!