No, I haven't fallen off the face of the Earth...I'm just taking some quality time away from life! I am still dealing with the anxiety and panic attacks. Last week, I had an appointment with my doctor. We discussed what has been happening since our first appointment for this issue. I shared lots...I've totally cut out caffeine (so hard because I love iced tea when we are out, but have adjusted to drink Sprite or water instead) which has helped eliminate (reduce) the number of headaches I get; getting more sleep (at least 8 hours per night...usually); stepped back from solving every one's issues (this is a hard one because instinctively, my brain goes there); and let others do for me (another really difficult one). Doctor B has been my doctor for almost 12 years and we are able to talk openly. He acknowledges that I am doing all the right things, but wanted me to be aware of what would be the next step if the increased dosage and other things were not successful! The option is a more potent medication which would require a 6-12 month commitment...and would delay the baby train (can't be pregnant or trying while on this). Well, the fighter in me (and the doctor) agreed that this was not an option...so, we now move forward trying this course of action!
Out of all this, some positives have come about...I got a massage after not having one for a while and am planning on doing this monthly; went to a traumatic prayer group and have become more (back) in touch with my spirituality; started to speak my mind (rather than bottle it all up inside); regular date nights with D (focusing on spending good quality time without distractions together); seeing a therapist (someone who has no investment in me to give me strategies and perspective); and just learning patience with myself.
I slowly feel like I am going to turn this corner and come out on the other side...as so many I have spoken with, this is preparing me for something bigger and better. I'm learning to make positive lifestyle changes and choices that will make me feel better. I am also realizing that I am worth every ounce of love and caring that I receive! It's a long path, but it's my path to grow on!
