So, the last few days has been quite the roller coaster of emotion...from the highs to the lows and everything in between. I am so dog tired from this today, I'm trying to keep my head up, eyes open and from hitting my desk. I'm thinking a lunchtime power nap may be in order.
Saturday was the baby shower of two friends. Normally, I detest all things shower related, but this was one of the best times I've had. It was so much fun to talk and catch up with a group of women who are all in similar places. It's also nice to know that in this crazy life there are people who are my support and can make me laugh...thanks girls! The rest of the day was pretty mellow and included me watching "the red carpet premiere" (Lifetime's words, not mine) of Prayers for Bobby. It was good and thought provoking, but I'm not sure that it was worth me wasting 2 hours of my time.
Sunday morning was an odd one at home...I think we were both in funky moods and it took some time for that to normalize. After running some errands, we decided to go for a walk in Carlsbad. We parked on Carlsbad Village Drive, walked down to the beach and all the way to the Power Plant before heading back. We think it was close to a 3 mile walk. We stopped for a snack before making some other stops. Sunday night at home was spent prepping for Monday and relaxing.
Monday was a VERY long day that began with me leaving at 7:00 for work and return at midnight from the day. The morning started with some drama with an interview panel that was solved pretty quickly. And then, at 11:50 a.m., I had my interview. I felt better prepared for this and had done some good thinking thanks to a director emailing me some feedback and things to think about and prepare for the interview. The interview was our 3 commissioners and the Associate Superintendent. It was a little intimidating to lay out my experience, but the biggest question knocked me for a loop..."Since you work for us, you have a slight advantage and know the situation. Tell us about what needs to be addressed in your department. Please feel free to be candid and know that anything you say in here will be held in the strictest confidence." My first thoughts ranged from "do you have the rest of the day? if I say it, am I sabotaging myself?" I had thought a lot about this issue and figured that it might come up at some point, so I was prepared to answer in a professional manner without emotion. At the end of the interview, I thanked them for their time and mentioned that I hope I wasn't too candid. Their response was that this was the time to be candid. On my way back to my office, I stopped and did a debrief with the director who sent me feedback. Talking to her, I reaffirmed my true feelings about the outcome. Regardless, if it's me or someone else, things are going to change and for the best. By participating in this process, I was able to get myself noticed professionally and there are opportunities for me to grow either in a new position or in my current position.
So, as if that wasn't enough, the boss' retirement party was that afternoon. The Nastys did all the work and never included us in any of the plans. As I saw the party (and how tacky it was), I started feeling emotional. Then, during the presentation of the bell ( a district retirement tradition), our boss made a speech. He called the 4 of us up and proceeded to thank each of us individually in front of those gathered. It was overwhelming and unexpected. At the end of the party, we banded together to get everything cleaned up.
At this point, I wanted to go home and have a drink and relax, but wait, there's more to my day. Monday was the first meeting of the new semester with the new officers for the Chapter. Typically, this is the longest meeting of the semester. I made it to San Marcos just before the 6:00 exec meeting thinking I could grab something to eat there. Wrong! My choices for food was a convenience store full of prepackaged sandwiches (none of which appealed to me) and chips. I chose Munchies snack mix and a Snapple to tide me over. The new exec seems to be so on top of things already. I am hoping for a great year with no drama. After lots of meeting segments, I finally left San Marcos at 11:30 and got home at midnight. I was hungry, but the thought of late night fast food did not appeal to me (who am I?!?). Instead, I snacked on some remnants in the fridge. I think I crawled into bed around 12:30 a.m.
Somehow, I am up and at work this morning. The last few days has been quite the roller coaster of emotion and will continue for the rest of the week. I should hear something regarding a decision within the week. Back to work now...have a good day!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Tuesday Progress Report!
Happy Tuesday! It was very nice to have yesterday off to accomplish a few things including going to the gym (alone), catching up with the new president, and making (at D's request) a pretty darn good cream of mushroom soup for dinner last night. In fact, I continue to roll on with my little accomplishments with some hiccups along the way. The latest updates:
- Jay Oh Bee: After much trepidation and hesitation while being sick, I managed to get my application done and submitted for the boss's job. This morning, after more nervousness, I went through the first round of interviews. Honestly, I don't know that this is the right job for me, but I decided to go through the process for some more practice. Also, someone I trust here at work talked to me about this change and what it could mean for me. She also told me that no one knows I'm interested if I don't express my interest. As a coincidence (or not), she was on one of the panels and managed to make me feel good and proud of my accomplishments. I'll see what happens and have put it into a higher power's hands.
- Housing Dreams: Sunday morning, D and I drove around some neighborhoods looking at houses. While we are not quite there yet, it refocused our intentions.
- Gym Attendance: We made an effort and went to the gym last week and then, I went on my own yesterday. I feel like I am hitting the stride by heading to the gym. Granted, it still is not my favorite thing to do, but it is a great way to release some of this pent up energy.
- D and I went on a date on Saturday...actually, it was a double date. One of D's friends from Utah is in a master's program in San Bernardino and needed a break. He and his girlfriend, Irena, came down. So, the four of us went to dinner at the Turf Supper Club and then, Extraordinary Desserts. Sunday morning, the four of us had breakfast at Pipes. It was fun and happened in spite of my pouty mood all day on Saturday.
All in all, things are good and seem to be progressing. Take care!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
2009...So Far
So far, 2009 has been pretty decent to me...with the exception of the bug that is living in me. I've been some kind of sick since Christmas and still am not feeling 100%. My visit to Urgent Care yielded a sinus issue diagnosis complete with horse pill antibiotics. I just about start to feel better and then it hits again. But, I'm not blogging to complain. Instead, I wanted to lay out my simple progress to achieving my 2009 goals..
- Went to the gym this week and pushed myself way past my initial excuses and comfort level to work up quite a sweat...but I need to add some new stuff to my iPod this weekend to keep the motivation level up.
- Have a 1st interview for the Director (my boss') job next Tuesday. Was not feeling all that confident about it when I turned in my application, but have decided to just ride out the process and see what happens.
- Spent some quality time with D...nothing doing much, but just taking the time to really talk about things and what's in our heads. Sometimes, this is hard for me because I tend to hold it all in rather than sharing.
- Spoke up for something I was annoyed with at work and I'm still alive :) I was so nervous, but wanted to be a positive change agent rather than let this little thing fester into something so much bigger. The boss was impressed and thanked me for the suggestion.
- Watched the Oprah episode on spirituality which gave me some real thinking points and made me realize it's all connected!
Overall, 2009 has been pretty good to me so far! I do keep thinking about Michael and his philosophy of life...because of the short and precious nature of life, that was one heck of a way to live life! Hope 2009 is good for everyone!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Celebration of Life
Warning...this blog has a heavy subject matter...I just returned from a celebration of life at Mission Bay for Michael. While I did not personally know Michael, his mother Susan and my Mom have been friends for close to 40 years. Mom asked me to attend to show our support for Susan during this difficult time. Michael was Susan's only child (I am an only child and am pretty sure this is hitting my mom pretty heavily for that reason).
Michael was born on December 1, 1967 and died on January 1, 2009 at the young age of 41 years old. Michael was a nurse and very active in his life...he was married and leaves behind 2 cute daughters (almost age 4 and age 2). In August 2007, after feeling like something wasn't right and 3 doctors confirmed, Michael was diagnosed with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS or Lou Gehrig's disease). For those of you who don't know, this is a horribly debilitating disease with a typical time lapse of 2-5 years from diagnosis to death. For Michael, it was less than 18 months.
All those who spoke of Michael shared his view on life. He lived life on his terms until the end of his life. It was even said that a neighbor took him hang gliding within the last few months of his life with his breathing machine and all. His philosophy was to Live Life to it's fullest; Live Purposefully and Live Passionately. Listening to those speak about Michael and watching his daughters, I got caught in the eternal debate about death. What is the purpose of Michael dying so young and leaving a wife and young children behind? I rationally understand the plan of life, but emotionally wrestle with this kind of loss. I guess these are the mysteries of this life. Today only made me appreciate life all that much more and those that I share my life with.
So, Michael, while I never met you personally, rest in peace. God Bless your family as they remember you and grieve. And, to all those who read this, thank you for your presence in my life and never take granted those around you!
Michael was born on December 1, 1967 and died on January 1, 2009 at the young age of 41 years old. Michael was a nurse and very active in his life...he was married and leaves behind 2 cute daughters (almost age 4 and age 2). In August 2007, after feeling like something wasn't right and 3 doctors confirmed, Michael was diagnosed with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS or Lou Gehrig's disease). For those of you who don't know, this is a horribly debilitating disease with a typical time lapse of 2-5 years from diagnosis to death. For Michael, it was less than 18 months.
All those who spoke of Michael shared his view on life. He lived life on his terms until the end of his life. It was even said that a neighbor took him hang gliding within the last few months of his life with his breathing machine and all. His philosophy was to Live Life to it's fullest; Live Purposefully and Live Passionately. Listening to those speak about Michael and watching his daughters, I got caught in the eternal debate about death. What is the purpose of Michael dying so young and leaving a wife and young children behind? I rationally understand the plan of life, but emotionally wrestle with this kind of loss. I guess these are the mysteries of this life. Today only made me appreciate life all that much more and those that I share my life with.
So, Michael, while I never met you personally, rest in peace. God Bless your family as they remember you and grieve. And, to all those who read this, thank you for your presence in my life and never take granted those around you!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
2009...My Resolution Wish List
Happy 2009! Since I've been home this week, I watched Oprah's Best Life Week. Hearing her talk about her failures and how she's getting back on track made me think about how to make 2009 my best year. I am not one to make resolutions, but I've started a list of my aspirations for this year. Here goes...
1. Finally accept that I am "all that and a bag of chips". For quite a long time in my life, I've been succeptible to the "I'm not good enough" complex. So much so, that it has impacted my past relationships and sometimes creeps into my life now. Instead, I've decided to embrace me and know that I am pretty darn great and have accomplished! I really need to hone this feeling because of two events this year, the annual Greek reunion and my 20th (yikes!) class reunion.
2. Forgive the past...as much as I say I'm over things from my past, I think I still hold onto pieces of it. I can't confront the anger and sadness face to face because the person has passed, but I can let it go. It's time to finally release this baggage!
3. Stand up for myself and stop accepting the putdowns of certain "so called" friends. For example, I have a friend who started treated me badly a few years ago after she'd been married with a child and I had lost some weight. Last year, I reached out to her after her divorce and she totally ignored it. I'm a damn good friend and am done with being the doormat.
4. Cultivate my good friendships and make those my priority.
5. Get healthy...I don't have to be rockstar bodacious, but a little less "fluffy" would work for me. I really want to be in good shape, so when it's time to take the next step into parenthood, I'm prepared physically.
6. Continue to get financially back on track. I will admit that I did live above and beyond my means for quite a while. It's not an easy path, but I am so motivated to move forward. Plus, watching HGTV has motivated us to stay focused so that we can buy something within the next year.
7. Date my husband and put the zing back into our relationship...just because we are an old married couple, it doesn't mean that we can't still date. So, we've aimed for a date once a week. I think by consciously putting this out there, we will make the quality time for each other.
8. Embrace the things I love and get better at them...starting with cooking and moving into other areas.
9. Find my way back to some sort of spirituality. I was raised Catholic and am not sure that's where I want to go right now, but am feeling like I need to renew that spiritual connection. I've also decided to keep a journal with thoughts I see and inspire me.
10. Make some kind of career move...whether it be a promotion, move to another job or stay where I am, I need to solidify my career path.
This is a good start...I'm sure the list will grow and change over the year...here's wishing you a great 2009 and hoping it's your best year ever!
1. Finally accept that I am "all that and a bag of chips". For quite a long time in my life, I've been succeptible to the "I'm not good enough" complex. So much so, that it has impacted my past relationships and sometimes creeps into my life now. Instead, I've decided to embrace me and know that I am pretty darn great and have accomplished! I really need to hone this feeling because of two events this year, the annual Greek reunion and my 20th (yikes!) class reunion.
2. Forgive the past...as much as I say I'm over things from my past, I think I still hold onto pieces of it. I can't confront the anger and sadness face to face because the person has passed, but I can let it go. It's time to finally release this baggage!
3. Stand up for myself and stop accepting the putdowns of certain "so called" friends. For example, I have a friend who started treated me badly a few years ago after she'd been married with a child and I had lost some weight. Last year, I reached out to her after her divorce and she totally ignored it. I'm a damn good friend and am done with being the doormat.
4. Cultivate my good friendships and make those my priority.
5. Get healthy...I don't have to be rockstar bodacious, but a little less "fluffy" would work for me. I really want to be in good shape, so when it's time to take the next step into parenthood, I'm prepared physically.
6. Continue to get financially back on track. I will admit that I did live above and beyond my means for quite a while. It's not an easy path, but I am so motivated to move forward. Plus, watching HGTV has motivated us to stay focused so that we can buy something within the next year.
7. Date my husband and put the zing back into our relationship...just because we are an old married couple, it doesn't mean that we can't still date. So, we've aimed for a date once a week. I think by consciously putting this out there, we will make the quality time for each other.
8. Embrace the things I love and get better at them...starting with cooking and moving into other areas.
9. Find my way back to some sort of spirituality. I was raised Catholic and am not sure that's where I want to go right now, but am feeling like I need to renew that spiritual connection. I've also decided to keep a journal with thoughts I see and inspire me.
10. Make some kind of career move...whether it be a promotion, move to another job or stay where I am, I need to solidify my career path.
This is a good start...I'm sure the list will grow and change over the year...here's wishing you a great 2009 and hoping it's your best year ever!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Looking Back on 2008
I've seen this in some blogs this morning and thought that the best way to move ahead is to look back and reflect. In 2008:
January: Commemorated Papa's (my grandfather) 30th anniversary since he passed away with Mom and Meema at a mass dedicated to him followed by breakfast; had last lunch with a friend who is no longer my friend.
February: Rocked out (for my love's sake) at an Iron Maiden concert; found out the power of words and gossip and what they can do to a friendship; sent my husband off to Spring Training in Arizona; traveled (the day of the worst storm in the east of the season) to Philadelphia with Mom and Meema to surprise my cousin who was turning 40; endured horrendous customer service, cried and used my then 86 year old Meema as proof why they needed to get us on a flight; had a great whirlwind weekend filled with family and cheesesteaks (yum).
March: Celebrated D's birthday by attending Junior Seau's Legends Party; Reunited with friends for our annual Greek party; celebrated Easter dinner family style at Ruth's; went to our sushi class at Great News and decided that for all the trouble, it is better to just go out and eat it rather than make it, but still had lots of fun.
April: Went to the EC for D's uncles funeral and found out during the viewing that Baby E was getting ready to make his debut into the world; Baby E was born; went to our first Padres game of the season with such high hopes.
May: Celebrated Mother's Day with the family; interviewed for a job and did not get it (they already knew who they wanted to hire); did a girls night and watched Sex and the City.
June: Attended our niece's baby shower; our nephew's high school graduation; 40th birthday party of a friend; sold my Jetta.
July: Went to Arizona for Convention; came home, unpacked, repacked and left the next day for our belated honeymoon trip to Seattle and Vancouver; had the most amazing time; celebrated the July family birthdays; said goodbye to a friend who moved away (still miss you).
August: Endured massive amounts of stress finding the perfect navy and khaki outfit; met Baby E for the first time and fell in love with him; took multi generation matchy matchy family photos; helped plan and execute Meema's birthday party/Baby E welcome party.
September: Had another interview for a job that they already knew who they wanted; kept busy with the day to day; attended a wedding on a cruise ship before it sailed; got pooped on by a seagull before boarding; and met our grandniece all in the same day.
October: Attended D's 20th high school reunion; Had another round of interviews (made the decision difficult, but didn't get this one either); reconnected with a former boss at brunch and realized all the BS is just that.
November: Made a difficult decision that will only make my future easier; went to a Girls only brunch; celebrated our first anniversary with D and realized once again how lucky I am to be married to such an amazing man; enjoyed our first Thanksgiving as a married couple.
December: Had a scary letter from the Blood Bank throw me into full blown migrraine state only to be reassured that all was good; had our 9th annual Ornament Exchange; attended D's holiday party; celebrated my birthday; switched it up for Christmas Eve and got the flu to end the year.
My 2008 was all that it should have been filled with highs, lows, laughter, tears and everything in between. Even though it was trying at times, I wouldn't change it for anything. Here's to a great 2009!
January: Commemorated Papa's (my grandfather) 30th anniversary since he passed away with Mom and Meema at a mass dedicated to him followed by breakfast; had last lunch with a friend who is no longer my friend.
February: Rocked out (for my love's sake) at an Iron Maiden concert; found out the power of words and gossip and what they can do to a friendship; sent my husband off to Spring Training in Arizona; traveled (the day of the worst storm in the east of the season) to Philadelphia with Mom and Meema to surprise my cousin who was turning 40; endured horrendous customer service, cried and used my then 86 year old Meema as proof why they needed to get us on a flight; had a great whirlwind weekend filled with family and cheesesteaks (yum).
March: Celebrated D's birthday by attending Junior Seau's Legends Party; Reunited with friends for our annual Greek party; celebrated Easter dinner family style at Ruth's; went to our sushi class at Great News and decided that for all the trouble, it is better to just go out and eat it rather than make it, but still had lots of fun.
April: Went to the EC for D's uncles funeral and found out during the viewing that Baby E was getting ready to make his debut into the world; Baby E was born; went to our first Padres game of the season with such high hopes.
May: Celebrated Mother's Day with the family; interviewed for a job and did not get it (they already knew who they wanted to hire); did a girls night and watched Sex and the City.
June: Attended our niece's baby shower; our nephew's high school graduation; 40th birthday party of a friend; sold my Jetta.
July: Went to Arizona for Convention; came home, unpacked, repacked and left the next day for our belated honeymoon trip to Seattle and Vancouver; had the most amazing time; celebrated the July family birthdays; said goodbye to a friend who moved away (still miss you).
August: Endured massive amounts of stress finding the perfect navy and khaki outfit; met Baby E for the first time and fell in love with him; took multi generation matchy matchy family photos; helped plan and execute Meema's birthday party/Baby E welcome party.
September: Had another interview for a job that they already knew who they wanted; kept busy with the day to day; attended a wedding on a cruise ship before it sailed; got pooped on by a seagull before boarding; and met our grandniece all in the same day.
October: Attended D's 20th high school reunion; Had another round of interviews (made the decision difficult, but didn't get this one either); reconnected with a former boss at brunch and realized all the BS is just that.
November: Made a difficult decision that will only make my future easier; went to a Girls only brunch; celebrated our first anniversary with D and realized once again how lucky I am to be married to such an amazing man; enjoyed our first Thanksgiving as a married couple.
December: Had a scary letter from the Blood Bank throw me into full blown migrraine state only to be reassured that all was good; had our 9th annual Ornament Exchange; attended D's holiday party; celebrated my birthday; switched it up for Christmas Eve and got the flu to end the year.
My 2008 was all that it should have been filled with highs, lows, laughter, tears and everything in between. Even though it was trying at times, I wouldn't change it for anything. Here's to a great 2009!
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