My View from the Newlywed World

By definition, I am still a newlywed because we have not yet hit our one year mark. In fact, we are still in that month counting phase of our marriage (we are 10 months and 1 week). Recently, the younger Nasty got married and since then, she keeps making comments (which I perceive as being directed towards me) about certain marital related things. So, today, I am going to voice (write) my opinions and views on some of the things that she likes to (un)intentionally throw in my direction.

• The Ring: After the Newlywed Nasty (NN for short) announced her engagement, I asked about her ring and whether they shopped around or if it was a surprise. Her response to me (and it's been said several times since) was, "We shopped...since I don't wear jewelery that often, I didn't want anything bigger than this. I actually think bigger rings look tacky." At first, I felt slightly insulted, but then I realized the immaturity associated with such a comment. A ring is a symbol and is not what marriage is about. The item on my left ring finger is there because of something so much bigger than I am...it's a symbol of a lifetime commitment D and I made to each other. I would give up the ring in a heartbeat, but will never give up that commitment without one hell of a fight!
• Name Change: From the moment she got engaged, she has talked about changing her name. She also mentions on quite a regular basis that she is definitely changing her name and that she doesn't know why women don't after getting married. For the record, I did change my name, but a lot of my work stuff is still in my maiden name. I thought a lot about my name change...I don't necessarily like where the name came from, but it is who I've been for my entire life. I was having a hard time giving that piece of me up and because I married someone with a 3 letter last name that fit well with my maiden name, I hyphenated. I am also the product of a Mom who hyphenates...in fact, she stayed hyphenated with bio dad's last name for a few years after marrying my step-dad (for my school purposes). A name does not make an identity...changing (or altering) my name does not change who I am.
• The Wedding Day: Yes, this was seriously the fastest day of my life! Yet, the one thing I remember (besides the minister calling me the wrong name 4 times, but who's counting?!?) is D and I standing in front of our friends and family and committing to a life together. And, even though the room was full of so many other people, the only person in that room that mattered to me was D.
• Wedding pictures: Because I don't like attention, I didn't bring my wedding photos to work. Some who attended forwarded pictures via email to the department to share, but I never brought them in. Yesterday, NN brought hers in and showed them to everyone around...except me! While in theory, I don't really care...I was upset that someone could be so mean and nasty (hence the name). It would never occur to me to manipulate and connive and behave in such a manner.

So, I guess the bottom line of this post comes down to what marriage and it's related things really mean to each person. I will admit that the first year is not all kisses and puppy dogs. It is truly an adjustment to an existing relationship, but one that I would not trade for anything in the world. In spite of the trials, tribulations, drama, smiles and tears, I LOVE being married! I savor each moment and love sharing my thoughts, dreams and laughs in the dark before falling asleep with the one person who is at the same time my biggest critic (only to push me further) and my biggest cheerleader. I still get giddy when I see him walk through the door. So, after 10 months and 1 week, I still love my husband and understand what matters in life and know that is not the ring, the name change and wedding photos or anything else. I guess being (in)directly slighted about my personal marital choices made me really think!